When you are not around!

A bottle of water which is always on my table is what makes me go through my tough day. Its always there beside me when I sleep. But never once in the day, ever, I think about it; because its always there!

After spending a lot of money on my training, I wanted time to practice but for a married man, time is a luxury :). It is something which is not his.

But how could I know this? I have been married for only 4 years now!

I badly wanted to study but i thought it was the demands of married life which were pulling me back. 

Voila! I was extremely excited about thinking of the time I am going to spend in books when Preeti would be away with the kids to Punjab! And when she did go, I created a perfect rhythm for myself the first 2-3 days. 

But then something happened!!!

The rhythm broke! Books started gathering Dust! Dust started gathering on the desk, on the laptop and on the floor. Time just lingered and I lingered with it. 

Was it Laziness or was it Loneliness? I don't know!

Once in a while when you don't find the bottle of water anywhere in your reach, you feel like a fish out of a pond. The feeling was similar. My bottle of water was in Punjab. She was my dose of the day. She was supposed to be there everyday.

Little did I think that it is her who creates my rhythm and without her, the rhythm looses its beat, it looses the music.

I love you Preet and I did take you for granted for which I am extremely ashamed!

Will do anything to make it up to you.

Manu

Complications

I have a favorite quote from Khalil Gibrahan's Prophet - "Thought is the bird of space which in the cage of words can unfold its wings but cannot fly"

Scientifically, thoughts and feelings find their genesis in the human brain and can be used interchangeably in the above statement. My feelings for Kanav are very very complicated. Its a mind boggling mixture of Love, fear, pride and affection. Any number of words cannot suffice to illustrate their battle in the mind.

From a mere loath of flesh, blood and bones, Preet and I have been nurturing this young little kid of ours into this world. Every small step of his into adapting into the world releases that complicated mixture of feeling into my cerebrum.

While my eyes are filled with a lot of Pride & Love, heart with affection, there is always a constant and consistent fear deep somewhere, of what lies in tomorrow. Slowly and steadily, Kanav is learning to learn the world by his own and in some time would need us far too little than today. He would do a lot of mistakes, some of which I must have done myself.

While one part of me (practical one) says that he has to go through that phase to grow into a man, the other part (which is only love and affection) constantly tries to find ways to help him learn everything I have in past 30 years.

This other part is responsible for the genesis of fear in the brain. The fear that if Kanav does not see any particular situation and the world in correct light, then what? This part wants to protect Kanav from making any error of judgement.

I am sure that there will be days when one part dominates the other. And I am sure that as Kanav grows, I have to control my latter part as much as possible else it may lead into confrontations, some which I had with my parents most of the time.

I am really happy not to be in "Randy Pausch's" shoes to teach my kids everything in 6 months which they will take a whole lifetime to learn. God willing, I will be there to laugh when the kido repeats my mistakes.

I just hope that he finds the right path to learn and tries to make the right choices as many times as possible.

Kido, you are my soul!

Manu