Roses and Thorns

It’s been 650 days that we landed back in Hoshiarpur with a mission. Mission we call it because the predictability of success is extremely bleak with all odds stacked against us.

Every-time, me and Preeti discuss solutions to the challenges we are facing, we inadverantly veer towards discussing the decision of leaving the Mumbai lifestyle. And every time both of us agree to the fact that the decision was absolutely right. A similar discussion today, pushed me to review the gains and losses we have made in the past 650 days.

 Roses I have collected in past 650 days -

1.     Kanav - The greatest benefit of our shift has gone to my eldest son Kanav. He was an average child in school when we were in Mumbai. Our move to Hoshiarpur exposed him to a different set of academics and teaching methods. It made us realize that Mumbai had failed us; and Kanav was left behind on his academic development. But our 6 months of perseverance with Kanav guided by experienced teachers in school have changed Kanav completely. He is now more confident and aggressive than ever before. Thanks to Hoshiarpur, his aptitude level has sky rocketed since we have landed here. 

Am not sure for the long term benefits of Hoshiarpur to Kanav on academics but in short term, our decision has been a boon to Kanav.

2.     Preeti - Hoshiarpur seems to have worked magic on my girl. She suddenly seems to have found her calling. The work on the project is definitely not her first choice but she has completely engrossed herself into our project and is now the backbone of it. She has developed into a full fledged entrepreneur and is no more the whimpering housewife. Her confidence and trust on herself is like never before and I am simply in love with her all over again.

3.     Stamina - Preeti’s physical recovery after two beautiful kids is something which both of us worked upon for a long time. But these 650 days here seemed to have increased her stamina by many folds. Whether it’s the environment of Punjab or her adrenalin rush as an entrepreneur, I am not sure but she surely fitter than what she was 2 years back.

4.     Parents - Nothing can replace the joy which mom and dad get while playing with their grand kids. Every night 30 minutes before sleeping are just unlimited fun for all of us with dadu papa turning into a Jester. Furthermore, with old age catching up with them, it was inevitable that all of us moved in together. Knowing dad, he would have not agreed easily and my mother’s love for their house would have definitely not let them move with us. Though our decision was not easily accepted, but our moving in together was the greatest positive which my parents have gained.

Counting Thorns that are troubling me -

1.     Money - If someone tells you that money is not important, they are lying straight through their nose. Money is an extremely important invention without which nothing practically moves in this world. Until we have a stomach attached to our body, money would always be an important factor governing our actions. But what is interesting is that the amount of money needed/desired may vary from person to person and from time to time.

While I had an opportunity to earn probably crores of rupee from the job I was doing in Mumbai, I still chose to not do it. Logically it is a very absurd decision as our project is surely not going to earn us single penny for the next few years. But yes, I did calculate that the money I already had would be enough to see me through the initial 3 years when our pilot for the project would be tested. This money is now being spent miserly and intelligently (hopefully). But what hurts is that I am not able to fulfill some very simple desires of my kids or wife at times because of this miserliness.

Money is probably the mother of all losses which I am enduring because of my decision. I am also not sure whether I would be able to earn the same amount of money ever in my life as I would have earned at job and so it does hurt every time when I check my bank balance.

2.     Luxury - I have traveled far and wide across India before marriage. The only two modes of transport which I had majorly used was the sleeper coach of the trains and the non-AC buses. So, I am not a stickler to luxury. So in a way Luxury is not a big loss for me individually. But when my family has to travel in the small car (i10, which I have) or even by bus (and abandon air travel completely), I really feel bad. It feels that I have taken something away from them.

As a family man, I would have preferred to buy a SUV in next 3 years. I could have brought smiles to Jay and Kanav’s faces when I would have bought expensive gifts for them. I could have spoilt Preeti more. But I won’t be able to do any of these probably for the next few years and am often saddened by this thought.

3.     Vacations - Both, my parents and Preeti had a long standing desire to visit European and South-East Asian countries for holidays and long vacations. And with relatives and friends spending holidays in exotic locations pinches them hard. It is a thorn which I would have to bear for some time. But yes, what I am going to regret when we get old is that I was not able to take Preeti to any of the wonderful countries in the peak of her youth.

4.     Sense of Security - At Staples, I had a group insurance cover of over 2 crores and that was all company paid. The society where we lived had security cameras all across and had security guards ensuring that the kids are safe.

Now, I neither have any health insurance for myself or family nor am I able to afford any new insurance for my kids. We don’t live in a very safe society anymore either. A theft at our house recently resulted in complete loss of money which we had earned over a year on this project. The kids have no playground to play in the society and have to play on the road which due to heavy construction activities is very busy. Jay also was a target of a foiled kidnap attempt.

In short, there is no current or future sense of security within the family at this instance. And the only thing I hope for daily is that none of our family members have to undergo any serious health treatment in the next few years for it might stretch me badly.

5.     Respect – Commanding a workforce of a very reputed company and that too at the senior management level brought me not only money but also respect from my family, colleagues, friends and relatives. It seems like that this respect has suddenly vanished for a lot of people have started equating me for an idiot.

While, I don’t deny the fact that what we are doing is nothing less than an idiosyncrasy, I also have a lot of belief in myself and Preeti. Though, respect has not mattered too much for me, but it still hurts when you are equated as a “good for nothing” person even after achieving what less than 1% people in India are able to achieve.

When I count my thorns, I am reminded that our decision to pursue the project has resulted in losses which are completely tangible and can be equated majorly in terms of money, but my gains are absolutely intangible. It is an impossible task to compare one with another. 

But these gains or losses are also a matter of perspective. For one person sense of security could be more important and for someone their kid’s education. But even these importance attached to various parameters would change with time. As I grow older, these parameters might not change much but my weightages attached to them would. 

I believe that my gains currently are substantially higher than the thorns I have to endure yet. But it would be interesting to revisit these parameters again in future and document as to what has changed.

A realist - Jay

Kanav still likes to believe that Jay is his toy and so every morning he will wake up Jay to play with him. Jay, whose personality has been molded mostly by Kanav somehow lacks the outgoing nature of Kanav. Jay is a shy boy and does not mix up easily. As a 4 year old, he is extremely energetic and tires himself off.

But unlike Kanav, he is extremely particular about when he wants to eat food, what clothes he wants to wear and when he wants to sleep.  He has an ability to sleep even when there is a lot of noise around him. Even at this age, he is able to find matching clothes and if you offer him something to wear that he finds unsuitable, he can bring the house down. And when he wants food, he is extremely particular about what he wants to eat. Most of the times it is chapattis that he wants; even if everyone else is having rice.

Jay’s ability to resist temptations is so strong that you cannot change his decisions easily, even at this age. On Kanav’s birthday, Kanav wore a party dress to the school and a pair of party shoes. Jay has a similar pair of shoes (Black). He decided that if bhaiya goes to school like this, so would he. Preeti did her best to explain it to him that its Kanav’s birthday but couldn’t. So I took over and by fluke got him convinced to wear the school uniform but could not convince him to wear his school shoes. I could see his unspoken logic that, his party shoes were also black in color like his school shoes. But I wanted to test his persistence and he did not fail. He ultimately wore those party shoes even after everyone telling him that his teacher would punish him (which of-course she didn’t).

He is so particular about what he wants that I sometimes feel that he might grow up into an extremely selfish boy (but in positive sense). I see in him as someone who can prioritize things and has a natural aesthetic sense. Both of these attributes can lead him a long way. But what I am afraid of is his introvert nature. Even though I am like him, but my fear comes from him slowly slipping into an attitude where he does not show his feelings to others.

Almost a year back, I had slapped him for some severe mischief. While crying he asked me, ”Abb paari bhi kalo”.  But now if I say something which he does not like, he would simply sit quietly. And if I fail to recognize that he is angry with me, he would slowly start hitting you with his legs or arms. If I still don’t acknowledge, his intensity of hitting me increases until I pick him up and pat him with lots of love which ultimately cools him down.

Being angry with him or hitting him back does not yield any result for he is truly looking for being patted. I am afraid, that if he goes on a path where he suppresses his feeling and stops communicating, he is going to not only give himself but lot of other people close to him a hard time in future.

Jay is not as inquisitive as Kanav but follows everything that Kanav does. I believe that if we can keep guiding Kanav correctly, Jay would automatically inculcate some of the qualities of Kanav which he is currently not able to display.

While with a lot of belief, I can say that Kanav is getting groomed to be a dreamer, I can surely point out that Jay is intrinsically a very practical boy and would grow into a realist. Personalities that are poles apart, nature has brought them together.

Both brothers have so much love in them that I cherish every moment spent with them and miss them every single minute I am away from them. 

Cracking the Da Vinci Code - Kanav

It was a Saturday evening in early 2014 when I bought Kanav the game of snakes and ladders. But tired because of a hectic day, I was able to play only one round and I told him that we would play it in the morning.

Later, on the bed, Kanav kept on talking about the game and snakes while I was asking him to go to sleep. But, I fell asleep earlier than Kanav. Twice through the night, Kanav woke me and asked if its morning now. But when at 3am I woke up to go to toilet, he followed me there thinking its morning now. Laughing, I picked him up and we went to the other room where we played snakes and ladders till almost 4:30am. Ecstatic now that his wish was fulfilled, I was able to convince him to go to sleep.

This was the first time when I seriously acknowledged of restlessness in Kanav. His urgency to do things and passion has just increased multifold since that day. Many times in the morning, he would wake up before his Grandparents rise at 4:30am. It’s normally something which has been promised to him by one of us or his friends which does not let him sleep. Even if his friends are to meet at 8am, he would hardly sleep through the night.

I and Preeti try not to promise anything to Kanav for the Mornings. For if we do, neither would he sleep nor would let anyone else sleep. But we do make sure that his passion is continuously fueled and given direction.

He was mighty impressed by a few science experiments we made at home for the kids in our after school classes. Last week he opened his science book and said, “Papa, I want to do experiments.” There were two activities in his science book which both of us and Jay did together. I did my best to help him understand the phenomenon but I am not sure if he has. But I am sure, he would again surprise me by explaining some other experiment with a similar concept someday.

Tejaaswani’s creativity has a rubbing effect on him and so does his favorite cartoon channels that run Mister Maker, MAD, Art Attack type serials. He keeps on borrowing printing papers from me and keeps creating drawings which he has to explain me later. But one day, he created a boy and marked all the body parts on it. He recently created a figure of Earth ass is visible from space in Paint Brush. And it was remarkable for me to watch him get excited when he showed me his drawing of Saturn in paint Brush.

I am not sure, what Kanav is going to do in his life but his Passion reminds me of my younger self. His dedication to the task at hand and his persistence for executing a new idea are extremely unique to his personality. I and Preeti have pledged to give him all the guidance and as much resources as we can to develop himself into an individual with a lot of passion as well as patience.

Driven by a great fire within, Kanav today wants to become an Artist, Scientist, Soldier and an Astronaut. So, one day I introduced him to Leonardo Da Vinci and told him that he has all right to dream to be all of them. 

Innocence

Kanav studying Science - "Papa.....Leafs make food and Flowers make Fruit. But Fruit is also food. I am confused." Interestingly, no book solves his innocent question. Had to show him a video of how fruit is made from flowers.

Jay inside a Buddhist Monastery in Mclodeganj sees everyone praying and suddenly starts shouting on his way - Jai Mata Di, Jai Mata Di!

Swimming against the current

We were in our 2nd year of engineering when we heard of a senior of ours scoring 2200 marks out of 2400 in an exam called GRE.

The year was early 1999 and suddenly over the next few months we were either hearing or spreading facts/rumours about people cracking GRE.

A year earlier, I had already gone through an awe of finding out a senior of ours cracking CAT. Enlightened by my close friends, of the relative ease of GRE as compared to CAT and seeing a lot of lesser mortals ( :P ) cracking it, I did half heartedly started preparation which I eneded up soon.

In our final year, when everone was cracking GRE, a boy from our batch in leather technology who was nowhere on the academic charts scored almost perfect marks in an exam called TOFFEL. But a little enquiry revealed that the exam was relatively easier than GRE and almost everyone discarded it as a one off outlier.

By the time we passed out in 2001, a good majority of the people, I knew had moved out of India through the GRE route (mind it that these were the times of the great tech bubble and then burst). I had survived not only the mania but the bursting of the tech bubble too with strong lessons entrenched in me.

But little did I knew about the short term memory of the mob. Over the next decade the GRE fad was slowly and steadily taken over by the TOFFEL and ILETS fad, the one which we had ignored not understanding that it has the ingredient of attracting the masses rather than the elite.

14 years hence, the Punjab of today is plastered with adverisements claiming to send the youth to various foreign countries either with or without these aforementioned tests.

Knowing the level of difficulty of these tests, I clearly realize why every kid today is opting for it which in turn has created a business opportunity for a little smarter guys. 

The ILETS shops are encashing into this mass craze till it lasts.
For me this mania has reached to the levels of extreme irritation due to two main reasons -
1. Leaving your own country as a first citizen and settle in a foreign country as a 3rd grade citizen doing menial jobs just beats me. My anger knows no bound when I see kids of well to do families taking this route.
2.  Paying up 30K for a course which is literally taught in elementary classes talks clearly about our education system.

I have been advised by many to provide training on these courses i.e to become a part of this economy system. But interestingly, what we are currently doing at Locus is attacking the root cause - create strong foundations which will help create a stronger elementary base and thus these exams will become as easy for the majority as they were for us.

Thus contrary to everyone's advice we are not working to be part of the system but are rather working to finish off the current eco system in the long run.

What happens in future is a long shot right now but when you are swimming against the current, the challenges are less obvious to the observer. Probability of success is far bleaker than failure. But what drives us today is the mere thought of creating millions of Manish in future for which we have started sowing the seeds.

From Challenges to Crossroads

Since May 18 when we started our Journey of Locus, we have been encountering one challenge after another and surmounting them successfully. But had been extremely unsuccessful in generating a side income even after trying a lot of weird options.

From launching "firstround.in" to trying out with MBA colleges like "Rayat Bahara" (still can't believe it) for visiting faculty positions, have tried out at least one new thing every month. But now, 2015 has brought with it some interesting solutions to this long untackled problem.

I have been offered partnership in an existing school to help it scale to the next level and simultaneously have been also offered to join the team of a leading coaching institute. While the latter is a risk free offer, the former is more challenging as its a greenfield project in an area which I thoroughly love.

Whatever I choose, I really need to work hard which in turn might compromise our project Locus. So, interestingly, the choice is not between a risk free and a high risk offer, its between an offer which can help project Locus grow and which cannot.

While the school project seems to be a more lucrative choice among the two, the choices get balanced again when I am reminded of the unbaked offer made by the coaching institute head of investing in Project Locus.

This Republic Day, I am standing on a crossroad trying to figure out what lies ahead. For the next 1 month at-least I am going to pursue both the options carefully to make a choice which will increase the probability of success of the Project Locus.

And as my Punjabi Inner Self would say unconsciously - Baaki Rabb Raakha!!!